Tested How To Be A Dominant Man Advice

Most advice on dominance is bullshit. I’ve read dozens of to-do lists on how to be a dominant man. I’ve heard dozens of guys giving bad advice on dominance leading to fights or breakups. Dominance isn’t just what you do! We have to dig deeper. After much learning and testing I found a new paradigm. With this tested how to be a dominant advice/paradigm things changed. Finally, I managed to be dominant with every girl I’ve met since.


I tested the advice in this article in every relationship I had in the last 3 years. Before that I was naive like most guys. I thought girls hate to be submissive. Today I feel stupid admitting that.

“Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men” – Martha Graham

My beliefs changed after a girl broke my heart. And with my beliefs I also changed my behavior. I started to embrace my dominant side. I learned from blogs, books, and masculine men how to be a dominant man.

I developed an own look on the topic. This article result of my research and my own experiences.

Before we get to the actual advice, let me tell you a story that shows what is possible.

In spring 2017 I was out shopping. I had no intention to approach girls. But, that changed when I saw a cute Japanese girl looking around. She was lost.


The Japanese Girl

Random Japanese girl in Kimono
By: Takashi .MCC BY 2.0

I stated the obvious and we started to chit-chat. After 10 minutes I offered her to sit down on a bench and talk a little. She agreed.

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Soon afterwards we walked to the closest Irish pub and had dinner and some Bulmer’s cider. After that we ate some ice cream and played table soccer. That same day I had her in my bed and we enjoyed great dominant sex. I ‘choked’ her. I pulled her hair during doggy style. I gave her a spanking with my favorite toy. She loved it!

My favorite toy
My favorite toy

We dated for the time she stayed in Munich.

After a week she allowed me to chain her to my bed, fuck her in the ass, or do whatever I like.

I lived out my dominant side and she her submissive.

It wasn’t limited to the bedroom. Our dynamic was the same outside. She asked me to do my laundry or to prepare meals. I was leading all that time.

It was one of my all time favorite relationships. We trusted each other and our connection was true.

That is an example that should show you what is possible with this advice. If you apply this knowledge you and your girl will enjoy better sex. You’ll live according to your true nature. You’ll get girls that care for you and (at least try to) make you happy.


Trust and Normalization

To have great dominant sex or a dominant-submissive-relationship you must do two things:

  • Create trust with your girl

  • Make it normal for her to be dominated by you

On Trust

Like I said in my How To Be A Dominant Man Basics article, trust is the core of a dominant-submissive-relationship.

Trsut should be like the trunk of an oak tree
By: Aline SoulesCC BY 2.0

Your girl has to trust that:

  • you have her best interest in mind

  • you trust her

  • you will protect her

  • you are a dominant and masculine man

Always have these points in mind and act according to them.

Trust takes time and effort. And it is your responsibility to create that trust. Consistency is the key!


On Normalization

Like I said earlier, you must make it normal for your girl to be dominated by you.

It must be normal for you to lead her. It must be normal for her to follow you. She must feel comfortable with you touching her in a sexual way. She has to see you as a sexual and dominant man. Those things must become totally normal to her. And you have to make them normal.

Like trust this takes time and you can’t move too fast. Otherwise, she will reject you. It’s in a way like hunting an animal. If you approach it too quick, it will see you and run away.

Moving too fast projects neediness.


Step By Step

Normalization is nothing else but conditioning. It’s a process of conditioning on both sides. For you it must be normal to be dominant. Not only with a girl but in general. For your girl it must be normal to be submissive, at least with you. And by normal I mean habitual or on a subconscious level.

Dog training and conditioning
By: The U.S. ArmyCC BY 2.0

To reach that level you have to start with small steps. If you move too fast too early, the girl will reject you. You have to establish trust first. More trust equals bigger steps. It’s like rolling a snowball.

To simplify matters I divided my process in 4 phases: Approach, Rapport, Seduction. In the respective chapters we will see how normalization works in practice.


First Times

The first time you do anything with your girl is very important. It sets a precedent and expectations for the future. If you at first act submissive and later dominant, it creates confusion and resistance. This applies to every action you do. Congruence is king. Be dominant from the get to. Otherwise, you create obstacles down the road.

Be Bold

I mentioned earlier it is your responsibility to lead towards trust and dominance. Your leading should follow one key principle: Err on the side of boldness! In other words: Don’t ask for permission, ask for forgiveness.

“Fortune favours the bold” – Latin proverb

Don’t ask for permission to kiss the girl. When you feel it’s right, kiss her. If she turns away, don’t make a big fuss out of it. Try again later. If she is offended, apologize. If she likes, continue. The principle applies to every move you make.


Move with the confidence of a lion
By: Matthias LiffersCC BY 2.0

Even if she says no, you showed you’re a leader or even better a dominant man. Your move also sets the right expectations. And one things is 100% sure. Girls love bold men. Even if they’re sometimes too fast. They forgive them. Be a bold man. Don’t be a pussy. Girls hate guys acting like pussies.

And as always be aware of the situation and don’t be a rapist! If you try to kiss the girl from the get go, she will reject you. If you force her, you’re a rapist. An apology won’t do in that case.


Like with all things in life, it’s a huge advantage to be prepared. With girls, preparations can make a huge difference.

Plan ahead your dates and what you’re going to do. This will give you more control and confidence. It will also allow you to lead. Remember, dominance and leading go hand in hand.

Also, have a plan B. Sometimes your girl won’t follow your first plan. (This happens for example when you move too fast.) Maybe the venue you picked closed for a private party. Shit happens. It’s great to improvise and come up with a plan B immediately. But most guys freeze in such moments and lose the momentum. I’ve painful memories about such moments. Almost always the girl takes the lead and you start to follow her. Don’t risk that. Prepare yourself!

“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Another important point is to create opportunities to show your dominant side. Look for and provoke situations where you can make decisions. Let’s say you enter a bar with your girl. Pick the table where you’re going to sit. Lead her to it. In fancy places you make the reservation and talk with the waiter.

These small decisions seem unimportant. But, they add up and show what kind of man you are. Girls pay much attention on the details and intentions.

Think about the opportunities for decisions making. Use them to your advantage. Even better, create them.


My Normalization process

The following (practical) advice is what I do when I date a girl to establish dominance. The divided the “process” in 3 phases to structure and simplify things. The 3 phases are Approach, Rapport, and Seduction phase. You should look at them more like guidance and not like rules. I share with you mine “process”. This is what works for me. You have to develop your own process.

While you continue reading, question what makes sense for you. Think about how you can apply what you read to your own process.

You may disagree with some points. Even so, I recommend you to try them before you dismiss them. Push your comfort zone! You’ll be surprised to find out girls really want!

Approach Phase

The approach phase happens within the first 30 minutes with a girl. This could be right after you approached her. Or, in the first 30 minutes on your first date. And today it can also happen via texting. It’s the time when you warm up to each other. And hopefully you build enough comfort to continue the dance.


During the approach phase my main goal is to get the girl invested. I try to create enough attraction to continue the conversation, get a date, or get a number. Most rejections happen early. Thus, I focus on avoiding mistakes.

My secondary goals are to create trust and to find out how submissive the girl is.


  • Lead and dominate covertly. At this point there is not enough trust for bigger steps.

  • Use strong and masculine body language. (Do this always!)

  • Speak with a strong controlled voice. Speak slower. (Do this always!)

  • Don’t seek for her or for anybodies approval. (Do this always!)

  • Frame yourself as a leader (Do this always!)

  • Reward good behavior with high-fives and encouragement.

  • Don’t punish bad behavior. There isn’t enough trust.

Rapport Phase

The middle phase begins when the girl starts to follow your lead. She shows interest in you and invests time to get to know you. Often time she will start to flirt overtly.


My main goals are to establish deep trust and to show my dominant side. This includes leading. (A girl feels attracted to many guys. But, she only sleeps with the guys she trust.)

A rookie mistake is to end up in the friend-zone during this phase. To avoid that, I always state my sexual intent early. I don’t want to be her dominant best friend.

Important aspects of dominance happen on a physical level. But I can’t start putting your arm around her and leading her immediately. I have to make her comfortable with my touch. Step-by-step.


  • Lead and dominate more overtly.

    • With more trust lead more.

    • Give orders / ask for things.

    • Have a plan and a plan B.

    • Give her the illusion of choice with A or B questions. “Do you want to do A or do B?”

  • Show your boundaries

    • Tell her what behavior you don’t accept.

    • Know what you want and what not.

  • Frame yourself as a dominant man.

    • Tell her stories with you leading or dominating.

    • Don’t avoid confrontations with her.

    • Have an open conversation about dominance and submission.

  • Reward good behavior more overtly.

    • High fives or fist bump

    • State what you like.

    • From time to time give compliments.

  • “Punish” her for bad behavior.

    • State what you don’t like.

    • Take away your attention for her.

  • Establish deep trust.

    • Make the first step by opening up to her.

    • Have a deep and meaningful conversation.

    • Match and mirror her body language. (This should happen subconsciously)

    • Share and ask for a secret


Seduction Phase

Seduction Phase
By: Axel TregoningCC BY 2.0

After I established enough trust and there is a real possibility for sex, starts the seduction phase. Other indicators are you making out with her and or the girl being comfortable with you touching her.


The goal in the seduction phase is very simple: establish enough trust that leads to sex. That given, you only have to create the opportunity. This involves making her horny, comfortable with sexual touching, and leading to a location where sex is possible.


  • Take time to let the established trust settle

    • Don’t destroy the established trust by rushing things.

    • Neediness kills trust and attraction.

    • Don’t change your behavior in the heat of the moment.

  • Lead and dominate towards the sex location

    • Have a dominant sex talk e.g. talk about your (dominant) fantasies

    • Talk honestly about sex

    • Talk slower and even more controlled.

    • Make clear leading statements e.g. “let’s go!”

    • Lead her physically by putting your arm around her.

  • Touch her to lead, dominate, and to make her horny

    • Start touching her more sexual parts like her thighs and escalate towards her breast, ass, and pussy.

    • Lead her hand towards your crotch when you make out.

    • Lead her physically when you walk by putting your arm around her.

    • Give her playful slaps on the ass to reward or punish her

    • Kiss her passionately

      • Grab her ass.

      • Press her against walls.

      • Press her against you.

As you can see the lines between the phases are blurry. Thus, you can switch the to-dos according to your own style and situation. Sometimes you’re lucky and meet a girl desperate to get fucked. When you can even skip a phase or two. This is rather unusual at day time. But, the bars and discos are full of such girls on the weekends.


I hope that my process inspires you. At least is should show you the key principles your normalization process needs to follow. Now it is up to you to adopt and apply the advice to your own style.

Besides the practical advice, you need to develop a dominant mindset. Take responsibility and lead your relationships. Be a dominant man. It’s your true nature.

Call On Action:

  • Pick 5 to-dos you want to adopt.

  • Write them down as goals for all your dates in the next 3 months.

  • On every date try to practice your goals


Deo volente,

Gaius Wolf


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