How To Be A Dominant Man Basics

Many guys wish for more traditional relationships with girls. They want to feel like man again. They want to be in control. They want feminine girls. Yet, they don’t know how to get these things. Dominance is the answer. These guys want to be dominant man! From my experience I can tell you it’s an amazing feeling to be a dominant man and to have a sweet feminine girl. If you want control over your sex life and a sweet feminine girl, learn how to be a dominant man! Become a dominant man!

“I want to be what I’ve always wanted to be: dominant.”
– Tiger Woods

This article is part of a series on dominance. Here I will explain the basics of dominance in relationships. Soon I will follow with practical advice on how to establish dominant-submissive relationships. Even further down the road I will explain dominance in the bedroom and how to develop a dominant character. All this advice requires a deep understanding of the basics. You need to understand the basics by heart!

We all play roles

In all relationships there is one dominant person and one (or many) submissive person. Life forces us to make decisions. The person who makes decisions for others is dominant. That person plays the dominant role. A person who allows other people to make decisions in his behalf is submissive. That person plays the submissive role.

Let’s think about a concrete example. Imagine a young blond woman called Anja. She is married, has 2 beautiful daughters, and works as a marketing manager in a big bank.

In the relationship with her husband, John, she is submissive. John makes the big decisions inside their home. From time to time he asks for her advice. Yet, in the end he decides alone.

With her daughters Anja is dominant. She makes the decisions. She tells the girls when to go to bed, what to do, and what not to do. Later that dynamic may change, when the girls reach adulthood.

In work it’s similar. Although, her company has a flat hierarchy, she and her colleagues are submissive in their relationship with their boss.

In all cases the dominant and submissive roles are equally important. The dominant person may make the decision but the submissive person allows it. It’s a symbiotic relationship that benefits everybody involved.

Puppet role play.
By: MIKI YoshihitoCC BY 2.0

The example reveals that the role we play depends with whom we interact with. But, context is also important. It can go so far as to change the roles in a relationship completely. Let’s assume Anja gave a presentation about Bitcoins. Her boss wants to know about this new emerging technology. Maybe they could use it in their products. But, he has no clue what Bitcoins actually are. That creates a big knowledge gap between him and Anja. Every time they discuss Bitcoins Anja dominates the conversation. She can lead the conversation in which direction she wants. She either makes the decisions or they take her advice. In this small context she plays the dominant and her boss the submissive role. Most times a knowledge gap is the reason for a complete dynamic change.

Important is to know that context can reverse the roles.

To learn how to be a dominant man, understand that we all play roles!

Dominance is about leadership and decision-making

As I mentioned before, the person who makes the decisions in a relationship is the dominant partner. Thus, dominance is about leadership.

A leader has a vision! (I say vision because it’s more abstract than a goal. It’s the big simplified picture.) If you want to be a dominant man, you have to have a vision. You need to know where you want to go yourself. You need to know where you want to go with your relationship. What kind of relationship you want.

By: Mélanie PlanteCC BY 2.0

Only with the vision you will be able to make dominant decisions. A vision allows you to make the decisions.

The vision will guide you. The big picture helps to see the details. The (big) decisions towards your vision, will help you with all the small decisions.

“If you don’t know what you want,” the doorman said, “you end up with a lot you don’t.”

– Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

And as with all leadership roles, it comes with responsibilities. Leaders take responsibility. For all the decisions you make you’re responsible.

Now let’s look at a simplified example. Michael and Maria are in a relationship. He is a dominant man and the dominant partner. His vision is to have a suburb house and children with Maria. Now, he lives in small apartment in the city center and she lives nearby with her parents. He takes the next step and suggests moving in together. She agrees but his apartment is too small. They start to search a new home online. Soon they find two interesting apartments. One is in a suburb area and the other close to the center. Maria likes both equally. Michael on the other side prefers the one in the suburbs. His vision guides him to take it.

It’s not yet their own home but they are a step closer to the vision. Surely Michael will make mistakes on the way to the vision. In those cases he takes responsibility, adjusts to the new situation and continues working towards the vision.

It is important to know what you want to do and what not. A vision gives you that knowledge. Figure out what kind of relationship(s) you want. Create a vivid picture in your mind what you want to do with your girl(s). Go with your girl(s) towards that vision.

To understand how to be dominant man create a vision.

Maintaining a relationship is erosive

Be aware that dominance is not about managing or maintaining a relationship. That is not the mindset. It’s the opposite.

Every girl understands that life is about change. A relationship that isn’t moving somewhere is doomed to fail. (Even after marriage.) If you only react to what life throws at you, you’re not leading. No leading, no dominance.

Dominance is a spectrum – not an On-Off-Switch

As you surely have noticed by experience some guys are dominant man by nature and others are not. Some people are born leaders and others are not. But it isn’t that simple.

Sometimes two by nature dominant people clash at each other. After some time one of them turns out to be dominant in their relationship with each other. The other person becomes submissive in their relationship.

By: Robin O’NeillCC BY 2.0

Thus, we can conclude that dominance isn’t an on-off-switch. It is more like a spectrum. On one side you have dominant as fuck. On the other side submissive pussy.

I truly believe that men’s true nature is dominance. Deep down every men has a dominant character. And women’s true nature is to be submissive. That doesn’t mean that every man is dominant and every women submissive.

In my experience at least 90% of men tend towards dominance. And at least 90% of women tend towards submission.

Often times we are not aware, as the main stream tries to revert the roles. Women are becoming less submissive and more dominant. With men it’s the opposite. We’re becoming more and more submissive and less dominant.

Your place on the spectrum isn’t fixed forever. You can move on the spectrum. You can train and practice dominance. Thus, we can develop a dominant character that resonates with our true nature.

Or we let others train us to be submissive. However, there is a strong urge in men to be masculine again. The same is true for women. More and more embrace their urge for femininity.

An increased number of men are asking what it means to be a man. They try to find their masculinity again. As a result we got the manosphere and books like No more Mr. nice guy.

With women it is similar. They start to realize that not all feminist’s claims are true. There is an urge to be submissive. Pop culture hits like 50 Shades of Grey are just a small indicator. It’s only the tip of the iceberg.

So, the good news is that we can train a dominant character. We can train how to be a dominant man. Before that we need to connect and embrace our masculinity. My article on how to be a masculine man is a good starting point.

If you’re submissive you can change. But, be aware that it is a long way towards a dominant character. Prepare yourself for a long journey.

It’s easier to increase your masculinity and dominance than to go from one end of the spectrum to the other.


You may think it is enough for you to have a dominant character to make a relationship work. But, it isn’t enough. At least not for happy and lasting relationship. Let’s have a look at the possible relationship combinations.


We all know that stereotypical couple who always argues who is right or what to do. In this case the girl is as dominant or even more dominant than the guy. Underneath all that noise, they fight over the dominant role. I would describe it as competitive. At least it is exhausting.


The complete opposite is a relationship with both submissive partners. They can’t come to a decision. Each one tries to please the other. Yet, both of them long for some leadership. Both try to make the other dominant.


When the guy is a dominant man and the girl submissive you can describe the relationship as symbiotic. It’s a win-win-situation for both. The guy is allowed to lead and make decisions. He can be a dominant man. For the girl it’s similar. She feels protected and trust. She allows the guy to make decisions for her. She can be a submissive woman. In this case they both live according to nature.

“Submission is not about what you dominant does TO you…it’s about what you do FOR your dominant.”

― Rika, Uniquely Rika

But what about a relationship with a dominant girl and a submissive guy? Yes, these relationships also work. Yet, I have never heard a guy admitting that he is submissive. In front of other men they claim to wear the pants. They all claim to be happy. In those cases I always respect the girl more. I connect with her much easier and deeper than with her guy.

And I always notice that these guys act different compared to dominant man. Especially in competitive situations. I guess because the girl makes the decisions for him. And girls compete in different ways.

With the relationship combinations in mind, we can conclude that your girl should be submissive. If you want to be the dominant partner in your relationships, your girl should be submissive!

This is the case with 95% of girls, in my experience. I recommend that you avoid the other 5% when you search for a new girl.

Often time it’s not obvious. Two groups stand out and are easy to spot: feminists and boyish girls. I don’t think the first group needs an explanation. They are straight forward with their opinions.

Boyish girls are easy to recognize by their short hair and the way they dress. I know it’s a stereotype. But, if it looks like a duck … I mean if it dresses like a man, speaks like a man, and acts like a man, it’s a boyish girl.

Understanding how to be a dominant man and a dominant character are not enough to be dominant in a relationship. Your girl has to be submissive as well. Thus, pick a submissive girl!

Responsibilities, Trust, And The Submissive’s Power Trade

When I talk with guys about dominance, I often hear it is wrong. They assume dominant men force women into submission. They don’t understand that the girls control the power dynamic. The girl gives the man power. She allows him to make decisions for her. She allows him to give her orders. And she allows herself to be submissive.

The girl allows but she can also deny!

By: Joi ItoCC BY 2.0

We humans are always looking for guidance and leadership. It is much easier to follow than to lead. Actually, it is often times a burden to lead.

Still, we don’t follow anybody blindly. At least not on a face to face level. There needs to be a certain level of trust. If you don’t trust your government, you won’t follow its orders. If you don’t trust your boss, you won’t follow his orders. Sexual relationships are no exception.

If you want to be the dominant man in your relationship, your girl has to trust you! Trust is the foundation of a dominant-submissive-relationship.

She has to trust that you have her best interest in mind. She must trust that you protect her. She must trust that you don’t judge her. She must trust that you’re the dominant masculine man you claim to be.

On the other side you have to trust her as well. She can sense if you don’t. If you don’t trust her, she won’t trust you.

It is your responsibility to create that trust!

It is her responsibility to test you. She’ll test if you’re the man you claim to be. She will (not only try) find out if you can keep your promises. Most of the time she will do it subconsciously. Don’t be mad about it. You don’t buy a car without test driving it, do you?


Probably the most important aspect in trust is to take responsibility. Don’t deny when you screw up. Denial and ignorance destroy trust. It shows that you’re not a man and surely not a dominant one. That doesn’t mean that you have to apologize or that you’re a bad person. You accept the facts and live with the consequences. And learn from your mistakes!

Dominant not domineering

Most guys in the west confuse dominance with domineering. They can’t imagine that most girls are submissive. They believe that dominant men are assholes who force girls into submission. But, as I said earlier it is a win-win-situation for both based on trust.

All the girls know it and about 1% of guys. All the other 99% of guys are confused or ignorant.

Yet, there are men forcing girls into submission. These guys are disgusting pieces of shit. They abuse the girls physically and mentally. They should be put in the deepest hole to rot.

It is important to us to understand the difference between dominance and domineering. You don’t want to cross that line.

In principle, dominance comes from a love mindset. Domineering comes from a hate mindset. At first, it sounds esoteric. But, anybody with a normal healthy judgment understands what I mean.

I tried to put together a couple of simple rules that every dominant man should follow:

  • Don’t say things to hurt your girl! If you argue over something or she crossed your boundaries, be firm and objective.

  • Don’t hit your girl! You can give her a playful slap on the butt and such things. But, if you beat her with your fists, you’re a piece of shit.

  • Don’t force her to do things! Remember the power trade, She gives you the power when she trusts you. A dominant man doesn’t need to use force.

From time to time you should check your actions. Ask yourself: Am I doing this for me? For her? Or for both of us? Are my actions the result of a love mindset? If not, stop!

If you cross the line to domineering, stop reading and ask for professional help!

Basics summarized

  • Understand that we all play a role

  • Have a vision for your relationship(s) and lead towards it

  • Don’t maintain your relationship(s)

  • Embrace your masculinity and your dominant side! Embrace the submissive side of your girlfriend

  • Pick a girl who is submissive from the get go

  • Create trust to deepen your relationship. Don’t judge your girl. Take responsibility.

  • Be dominant! Don’t cross the line to domineering.

Now you know what to do. Read my Tested How To Be A Dominant Man article to find out how to do it.

Deo volente,

Gaius Wolf


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